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Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families
Author: Leslie Morgan Steiner
Amazon info:

From the title of the book, you might expect a contentious debate between the two sides of this divisive issue. And if so, you are in for a pleasant surprise. I found that, in general, the writers were trying to reach across the divide and to try and reduce the conflict. One writer put it "Women have to stop fighting among themselves - let's go back to the way it was before - and fight with the men!". While the book presents many different opinions and scenarios, I did find a number of things that stuck with me. In particular, a woman has to make the choice that truly makes her happy. If that means she needs to work, then she is not a bad mother for that choice. Similarly, if a woman wants to stay home for the first few years, that does not make her lazy. It is also clear that good parents are good parents, regardless of the choice that make to work or stay home for those first few years. Women that spend a great deal of their time at work away from their kids just so they can have 20 purses, 100 pairs of shoes, and a brand new Mercedes convertible are just as bad as women who don't work and spend their entire day shopping or hanging out with their friends.

In thinking about this book in the context of "The Feminine Mistake", it appears that the best situation is when a mother has an interesting career that she is able to pursue part-time/from home during the years when the kids are little/small. Then, as the kids grow more independent, the career side can grow accordingly. While this balance isn't easy, it is definitely doable and appears to be the most rewarding and it gives those mothers a good perspective on "both sides". Mothers who don't have a career they enjoy (prior to the baby) would be best served if they found a different career, but all too often the "stay at home mom" career option is too appealing. Sadly, it is temporary and financially risky. Of course, the obvious problem is that it is very hard to find a career that you can do part-time/from home for a number of years. That is, unless you are a writer.

And with that we come to the book's tragic flaw. Every single contributor is a writer. That makes for well written essays (and they are quite well written, humorous, and a delight to read), but it also makes for a very non-representative sample. All of the women were able to cut back on their work - and even the stay-at-home-moms still wrote - after all they wrote these articles! I would have preferred poorer writing quality and a more inclusive sample. If every mom was a writer (or another profession where contract work was prevalent and available) we wouldn't have the "Mommy Wars" issue at all.

Recommended: Mothers, writers, those seeking balance in life and/or trying to understand "the other side" in this debate.