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Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's
Author: John Elder Robison
Amazon info

The wonderful thing about reading books written by people with Aspberger's is that they are so clear and logical and just make so much sense! OK, perhaps that is just another way of saying "I am an aspie" (which I probably am to some degree - but on the upside, it sure is nice to easily remember everyone's phone number). John Elder Robison is the older brother of Augusten Burroughs who wrote the best seller "Running with Scissors" (which has a chapter on John Elder). His brother's success undoubtedly paved the way for John to have his story published - and that is fortunate, since we probably would not have heard his story otherwise.

John Elder (as he is called) is quite a surprise as a writer. His "aspie" abilities were all related to machines, mostly in sound processing. He was able to see how sound waves needed to be changed and to envision the circuitry necessary to do that. This landed him jobs with KISS and other musical industry professions. After moving up the management chain - and finding that to be an obvious mistake - he started a company repairing and restoring luxury cars. Nothing in his history indicated any ability to write - and given his limited social skills, the fact that he can write at all is very surprising. Or perhaps he just had a great editor. In which case, I guess I should study the book credits more carefully :).

The story itself is straightforward - John Elder describes his life growing up with very strange parents (probably the fertile seed bed that nourished "Running with Scissors" - hmmmm.... perhaps if I was a horrible parent, my kids could get rich writing books to support me in my old age, by when I would magically "reform" into a loving and doddering old grandparent. But I digress. John Elder wanted to make friends, but just didn't seem to know the right things to say. He describes how he learned the right response to "Hey, I just got a new truck" - and becomes clear how difficult it is to figure the right thing to say in most social situations - especially since the right thing to say is often a lie. And those "white lies" are as confusing to John Elder as they are to me - I can't really imagine him ever learning the phrase "I just love that new outfit". He also had trouble looking people in the eye while speaking - apparently it is just too overwhelming to stare at someone's eyeballs while trying to construct a sentence. While I have no problem with that, it is certainly an issue for Emily. (Matthew has his own aspie flavors).

Over many years, John Elder, like most high functioning aspies, learns the basic rules of socialization - although never quite completely and always as "rules" rather than as natural behavior. As he becomes more well rounded, he notices that he pays a price. He has lost his super-focus and the circuit designs he created years ago are completely opaque to him - he can appreciate them, but he could never recreate them. He posits a bit of a tradeoff between an "inner orientation" (super focus, great mental feats) and an "outer orientation" (social skills, friendships) and that he has lost some abilities as he has moved to a new balance. Of course, he could just be getting older and stupid. I can also testify to this effect.

I think the message that comes through is that people with Aspberger's (at least the mild forms) don't need to be cured. There is nothing wrong. They/we? are just different. Some extra training to get along with the non-aspies would be appreciated, but that is about it - and everyone can always use training in how to work well with others that are different.

Recommended to all.